Living to work orWorking to live?

Hello everybodyyyy! How have you been?! I haven’t posted in my trusty blog space -like I promised myself I would do every Wednesday & Sunday)- for two reasons.
1 – I have been working nonstop in my two jobs and getting home way after darkness sets – I like to have lovely, light filled photographs featuring in every post and the only light I saw lately was from a tungsten lamp in the office 😦
2 – I have been doing Vlogmas!! So every day I would video blog my day in December, and edit during the night so I can upload it onto my youtube channel. This makes me feel more festive and do more festive things and I’ve been really enjoying using the camera more often! Why don’t you head over to youtube and check out what I’ve been up to?

Today however I am in a bit of a philosophical mood due to being in a bad mood! This week is very busy. Never mind blogging, I don’t even have time or the matter (as in subject) to vlog! My days lately are so much about dull work that I can’t even document it – it’s not worth a penny! It’s boring. Let me explain…
Disclaimer: I am a 23 year old young girl who has just started her own life – no more college, no more at home with the family. I have 2 jobs, my own apartment and a boyfriend to manage.
Where that’s really nice in most aspects, I have been wondering about the job part for a very long time now. This might be a common thought amongst young people but it’s really bugging me!
I love working, and I’m a really really hard worker at whatever I do – but I don’t like the fact that it’s not what I want to do!!! You know what I mean? Like, I sit in an office, doing a job I really don’t care anything about, solving other people’s lives that I don’t care about… My days most of the time consist of waking up, 9am-6pm of greyness and time passing, happenings that I don’t want to document / remember, don’t enjoy… and then after 6 it’s really just home time, cook some food and you’re so tired by then (after doing your shit job) that you have no mind power / inspiration left to do what you love. Or do anything else for a matter of fact! You basically spend the better part of your days, your week and.. Your life working. If you love your job great! But what happens if you don’t?

I don’t understand how so many people, in fact most people can settle for this life – I know most of the times people do this to pay bills and etc, but aren’t we all just living then to work? We’re living to work and working to live… It’s unacceptable in my mind. I don’t want to wake up one day and realise ‘ooops, I’ve just been flowing with the necessary tide and I’m suddenly 40. Where has my life gone? What have I done?’ I already feel 40 sometimes. I’m living a 40 year old woman’s life Monday – Friday!

I know that this may sound dramatic, and I’m not as bad as I sound, because any time I change jobs I just travel up the ladder so I am pulling my own weight pretty well.but I’ve again come to a time in my life where I’m not satisfied. Last year I wasn’t satisfied in my waitress job and decided to seek a better life. I did, and got 2 great jobs where I could finally afford to sit AT the table rather than serve it. Now that I have achieved this and feel like I’ve reached my potential and could move onto the next level, I crave more. More challenge, new things that I was trained to do (filming).
It all feels like a video game. Level completed, you are ready to proceed to level 31.
I feel like this is not too bad because I don’t have the tendency to settle for second best and I set new challenges to myself all the time. But I also want to be appreciative and grateful of what I have at the same time -as opposed to always wanting other things- you know?
So many questions. So little answers!
I’m at the time in my life where I’m full of potential and dreams. This is why I’m questioning all these things, the dullness of everyday life in a job that’s not for you.. Is this a common thing to think, or am I just being a naïve little girl?! I don’t want to settle for this and not live my life to the fullest! I’m really afraid I will get stuck in a rut and forget to live the life I want. Tell me you feel like this too sometimes and that I’m not crazy!

There is a quote that says “do more of what makes you happy” and “live a life you want, not a life you have to” Which are really inspirational and I try to think of them every day to remind myself that maybe, if I do a little bit of what I love every day, I can grow that part of me and one day I can reach a point in my life where every moment I live will be a thing that makes me happy.
Every second I’m questioning everything – myself, the world. I feel like I’m a baby all over again, just a baby for the adult world! Nobody said your 20’swere going to be like this! But what is the solution? How do you live a life you want, and not a life you must?

I may just hit up Google in a minute…

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